MY SIDE-CHICK (AMOPE).

 

The only name on my lips right now is Amope. Ah! Amope! That girl is something else. She is a life saver. Ehnnn.. Hmmm...she is the best thing that has happened to me this year! The best thing ever! Thank God I found her. Well, she found me actually. 

You know that heaviness that descends on you when your wife padlocked her shop that you were even managing. Can you imagine? Making you fantasize about her oversize behind that keeps getting in the way for a quickie! Or even her extra large twin nozzles that have emptied their juiciness. That is a bad punishment for a gentleman who is sexual. Me, Tijani! She was just a stick of broom when I married her. What did I notice after giving birth to our three children? A big madam, throwing command about like a spitting snake. Shior! I was going to tell you about Amope. I don't even know why I deviated.

I was chilling that night with a cool beer in one of those  beer Parlours. K 1 de ultimate blaring from the nearby record shop. A cool breeze submerged the whole atmosphere. I was already dozing when I witnessed an out-of-this-world miracle.

 My eyes open suddenly to see the magical twins Amope carried on her chest. She is yellow like mammy wata. I only saw the top and I was fully awake. Her smile made me deaf that night. She had only come to ask if I wanted anything more. In my confusion, I said yes to everything she said. I watched her behind retreat into the darkness and back again. In short, I was taken by her. To add to my luck, she sat down not too far from me. To cut long story short, our secret roller-coaster ride came to birth.

Only God knows what the problems of these our men are?. When has being fat become a sin? After all, it is his money that is showing on me. Whatever happens to missionary style? Why should I be forced to turn to a dog on bed because I want to give my husband good sex  after three children? What else are we looking for?  We have two sons and a daughter. I cannot come and kill myself! The other day, he asked me to put him whole in my mouth as if it was lollipop. Can you imagine that? I refused blatantly. I was not trained to be a dog. I grew up in a christian home. My father and mother taught us daughters to be good christian wives not some girls born in the night club. I don't know who kept such ideas in my husband's head. He is always demanding sex as if that is the only things couples ever live to do. Me, I cannot kill myself. One sex per week is still manageable. Haba! Some men are just too impossible.

Maa jaye ori mi, mo meyin ola o

Maa jaye ori mi, mo meyin ola o

Amope, wa jaye ori e o meyin ola o

Wa jaye ori e o meyin ola o

I will enjoy myself, I don't know about tomorrow

I will enjoy myself, I don't know about tomorrow

Amope, you will enjoy yourself, you don't know about tomorrow.

You will enjoy yourself you don't know about tomorrow.

Men can be funny o. Only these my double decker that he saw and the little show I gave him,  he is already planning to throw away his wife. What is my business? I didn't ask him to throw away his wife. I only wanted to enjoy myself. Is that too much to ask? This body that God gave to me will get me everything I want in this life. I don't want to end up like my older sisters.  Married but praying to become singles again. I will not be a second wife like my sisters. Yes o! I want to be the only wife to my own husband. I don't even want to share him, never! 

The other day, he was begging me to marry him. He even promised to buy me a house and on top of it, divorce his wife. I pitied him  but my decision is firm. I will not be shaken. I can't marry him we can only be lovers not couples. And my boss, that witch is beginning to be jealous. She is angry that her customers  loves me and won't stop to show it. I can't even do anything right in that shop anymore. She screams and curses as if I was the one that killed her husband. I am just waiting for the money from my man, Tijani. As soon as I get it, I am out of that place. I will have my own beer parlour and my own customers. My customers? Men of course. As long as you can keep them between your legs, they will pay the bills and do anything you say.

Is this not a woman? Amope the Queen! I don't mind spending all my money on her. She knows how to make you want more. That girl! Kai! I forget my sorrows each time I am with her. Any day with Amope is like Christmas. She makes all your dreams come true. She is always coming up with something new. In short, she is the queen of the bed. I am just a king waiting to be served. The only problem is that she doesn't want to marry me. She said she likes it the way we are. That decision baffles me. Even though I assured her she will be safe without my wife interfering. That is not enough for her. I don't want all this hide and seek we are doing . I want to have her to myself.

Where has this man been? It is now two days he last came home.  Shouldn't I be worried. I quarreled with my husband doesn't mean I should be unbothered about his whereabouts. I am not one given to lazy gossips. Otherwise, I should have taken it out on that stupid Mama Caro with that song she was singing this morning. I always knew she is jealous of me. Her jealousy is because my husband has refused her daughter's advances. Can you imagine a mother leading her daughter in the path of promiscuity? Why am I even bothered about her? I should be looking for my husband!

'Amope, Amope", he sang, his hand tracing the contours of her breasts that were hidden in her wrappers. After indulging his appetite for awhile, she pulled away from him and from the bed, standing up to begin to dress up.

Realizing what is happening, the smile died in his face and was replaced with a slight frown.

'We have only just begun and you are already quitting'.

'You have a wife, Tijani. Don't kill me just yet. Go to her! You have been with me for the past two days. You hardly do anything else other pulling at my pant and bra for more!

He chuckled with conspicuous embarrassment, tucking his hand his short to restrained the bulging culprit in vain.

He swallowed hard and tried speaking but his tongue refused to obey him.

The rumour had gained momentum even though she tried denying it.

'It will end today', she swore, making for the said location.

Amope had fully dressed up while Tijani remained humbled with humiliation on the bed still in his shorts. He was ogling the wonders of nature on the physical endowment of the woman before him. The rested culprit suddenly rose with a sudden fierceness, unhindered and very expressive. He waited no further. He grabbed  her waist and pulled her to the bed. His hands tore furiously at every obstruction not even minding the screams and scratches Amope's fingers did to his face. He succeeded eventually, grunting like a wounded animal.

The fall of something tumbling over him spiraled him on the floor. He wasn't the culprit but the woman under him who ran out naked after experiencing the anger of a jealous wife.

Glossary

K1 de Utimate (Wasiu Ayinde) is a Nigerian fuji maestro.

Let us stop here. I caught you laughing! Yes! It is a serious matter indeed. We will catch up later. In case you have something to say to me, go ahead and do so. I still remain yours, truly and truly,

Julius Topohozin.