HIS EXCELLENCY, MR GOVERNOR

 

He was fuming as the guest, a political analyst speaking on the radio criticising his high-handedness and  his policies that are anti-people.

'We have to thread softly...', his balding P.A cautioned when the governor, Innocent Jaja  declared he was going to snuff life out of his critic. 

The governor didn't wait for him to finish before he blurted angrily:

'Turn that damned radio off at once. It is my mandate we are talking about here!'

Just then, somebody burst in. It was his spokesperson . 

'Your excellency',  he bowed after realizing his folly and lack of etiquette. He stood rigidly at the far end of the mahogany table occuping the milddle of the office beffitting an honourable governor.

'What is it', the governor thundered, his voice booming with  vicious echo.

'Sir, he pointed towards  the door as though what he wanted to report was lurking behind the door. 

'There are protesters outside sir. They...they are demanding their salaries sir'.

'What salary', he querried his heavy boubou falling of his broad hefty shoulders. He was a tall fat man with a bot belly that could comfortably  house all the allocation for his state.

'Their...their salaries sir', the intruder stammered again.

The governor hissed, folded his boubou back to his shoulders and sat down as though thinking through the problem at hand. What he was actually thinking about was how he was going to win the second term and not how to pay the backlog of eight months salary arrears he owed the civil servants of his state.

Just then, the door opened and a heavy fragrance of an expensive perfume wafted in before the source came in view.  She was dressed in a lace material,  proportioned in the right places. Her hair sat comfortably  on her head and spread to her shoulders. Her face, although pretty had on it an overdone makeover that gave her a ghostlike look.

As soon as he saw her, the frown on his face vanished like darkness when light is turned on after a prolonged darkness. He rose to welcome her with a warm, lecherous embrace that made those sitted in the office shift uncomfortably. They didn't need to be told. One by one, they left until they are called for again. After the usual pleasantries, she came right up to the matter in her mind.

' My love,' she sang, rubbing his heavy pouch of a stomach as she sat comfortably on his laps. 

'Yes my darling'.

'You know my birthday is in few days and you are yet to make the transfer you promised'.

'I thought I made a transfer of ten million naira?'

She frowned slightly, removed her hand from his stomach as though an object in there developed an offensive sensation to her hands.

'That was just for renting the hall and for logistics', she frowned. 

His mouth opened suspiciously at the new revelation before he spoke again .

'Isnt that too much, Beatrice?

'How can that be too much?  What is that amount compared to the allocation you just received'. 

She stood up and made as if to go.

'Wait now...wait. that should not cause arguments'.

She folded her hands on her chest while he pulled her back to his laps.

'Okay, how much more is needed to take care of your birthday party?'

'Just thirty million naira, she said carelessly. He wanted to scream then but he controlled himself. The allocation he just received was already thining out. He has made the second part of a heavy repayment to his godfather who sponsored his political ambition and also saw to it that he emerged the winner, the party bigwigs have sent in their requests too, not to talk of the monies needed to hire thugs plus money for ammunitions and the money needed for campaign rallies throughout the twenty local governments of the state. He sighed, presssed the intercom and requested the presence of his spokesperson.

He came in hurriedly like a man haunted by ghosts. He was looking disheveled because he has repeatedly appealed to the embittered civil servants to no fruitful end.

'How is it going?', the governor asked playing with Beatrice's hair.

'Not good sir, he responded with a voice that was not far from tiredness and added as an afterthought:

'They are threatening to cause mayhem sir.'

The governor's face creasesd into folds resembling that of a demon at the word 'mayhem'. Who can dare cause mayhem in his state and the government house at that?

'Disperse them immediately with the police", he slammed.

'It is a lawful protest sir'.

'Who cares about lawful protest. Send the vermins away. Disperse them with the police at once'.

He nodded and made to go before he was called back. The governor took a pen and a paper on the table, scribbled something on it and then handed it to him on behalf of the account general of the state.

He studied the shock on his face and added promptly:

'Take two million for your troubles too as well as for the accountant'. The man's face brightened, he nodded his thanks and vanished the way he had come.

His every statement was stoned with a resounding boos from a very large section of the crowd at the campaign ground.

"Let's come out enmasse come Saturday next week to vote. Four years is not enough to finish the good work we have begun...'

The other statement that came afterwards crumbled under the weight of defeaning boos and few objects began' to fly towards the high stage. They had to whisk him out of the stage and even out of the campaign ground. The governor's envoy was pursued with stones. The police intervened soon enough resulting in few bodies lying motionless on the ground while the others escaped with their life intact.

'It is just a campaign not the election', said chief Osabor, his political godfather when he arrived at the latter's multi-billion naira mansion.

He spat the statement unconvincingly out of his mouth in his mind.

The chief went on.

'We know the cure to the masses malaise', he said with a matter-of-fact attitude then brought out wads of notes and waved it in the face of the governor.

'This is the cure to their malaise. Just sprinkle some here and there for them and they will lick your butt'. He returned the money where it had come.

'But they booed me and threw stones', he complained bitterly.

The chief laughed at the naivety of his godson and threw his back on the large Italian sofa that reeked of opulence.

When the laughter subsided, he touched his godson on the shoulder and squeezed it slightly.

'How did you think we won the last election? Well, forget the fact that Santos your opponent  from GRP party clearly won the election but I have connections in high places. A lot of money exchanged hands and the  election results were compromised in your favour. The same thing will replay itself come next week Saturday'.

That sounded convincing enough, he could now call to have Beatrice to himself. He had compulsory sent his wife and children abroad eight months before  the campaign as is the usual practice. He could now eat and relax until the day of election when he was going to be in great shock.

The electorates have been bribed the day before for their votes to be cast the following day. What they got was just a tip while the chunk of it was to be given after they had cast their votes. Many mouths were sealed by bribes from the highest to the lowest. The loudest critics borrowed sense when heavy sum of money creatively entered their bank accounts with a follow-up anonymous call to do the needful or else lose the money and well, other priceless things too! Everything went well as promised by Chief Osabor and they had  already began to celebrate when there was an emergency phone call.

'Who is that bastard', chief Osabor screamed into the mouthpiece requesting to know the returning officer with all his voice, his vein also showing the reflection of his voice.

Everybody turned to him with alarm. The governor quickly disengaged from Beatrice and soon developed acute stomach ache after only hearing the chief screamed.

'What is it...what is it', was the everyone's lips.

The returning officer had discovered safe houses where ballot papers were massively thumbprinted by the thugs hired by the PPP party and he had summarily cancelled all the election results in that local government which unfortunately was the incubents governor's and where he was hoping to get a great chunk of votes.

The accused stood at the witness box,  withered, the look of a castrated baboon on his face. He has lost several pounds of flesh. He is alone now. All his yes men and even Beatrice have said their goodbyes to him when he lost the election. The new governor on assuming office soon raised alarm at the state's empty treasury, backlogs of debts and several uncompleted projects that had been awarded.

The matter became a court case and after a lot of back and forths, the honourable governor, Innocent Jaja bagged for himself 31 years imprisonment for money laundering, misappropriation of funds and outright disregard for the rule of law.

Again, I say thank you for reading to the end! You are just too much! You can click this link for LAMENTATION FOR MY LAND my poetry collection.  I look forward to our mutual fellowship on this space. Till then, I am Yours Truly,

Julius Topohozin.